Apologies for the unscheduled break (if indeed you noticed!) A combination of travel and work and school holidays left me stretched, and the newsletter took a hit… Little mention before I get started – I’m giving a free talk in London next Wednesday at members club The Hearth. If you’d like to come along you can reserve a spot here.
My main aim with this newsletter is to share coaching knowledge in a format that’s both free and easy to access. So, with that in mind, I’m easing back in with some basic but powerful coaching lessons that I believe can help anyone navigate the good times as well as the bad (I personally draw on most of them daily). I’ve paired them with the kinds of questions I’d ask during a 1:1 session. If you’re looking for a coaching cheat-sheet to a happier, healthier mind and life, this is it…
9 Coaching Lessons That I Use Almost Every Day
You can’t control what will happen to you, or what other people will say/do. And the more you try to control situations and people outside of your control, the more unhappy you will become. What you can control is how you respond, and in that capacity to respond lies your power.
Q: What person or situation are you trying to exert control over right now? How’s that going?Your thoughts are not reality, they are your own interpretation of how you see the world and what you believe (consciously and unconsciously). The more awareness you can bring to the types of thoughts that fill your days, the more you’ll find yourself able to question the ones that don’t serve you and double down on the ones that do. Stress is real, but you can also make it much worse with how you think.
Q: What problem are you making bigger in your mind?
The most important question you can ask yourself to live a happier life is: does this thought help or harm me? The more often you repeat a thought to yourself, the more your brain believes it to be indisputably true. So it’s a good idea to ensure those thoughts are supportive.
Q: Which of your current thoughts is least aligned with the person you know you are or hope to become?The more we expect the world (+ other people + ourselves) to match up to our expectations perfectly, the more miserable and stressed we will be. Don’t set your expectations low, just make sure you have mental and emotional cushioning in place for when things don’t turn out the way you hoped.
Q: What will you say to yourself when something doesn’t go your way?Not everything is about you. In fact, very often most things have nothing to do with you. Including, but not limited to: other people’s moods, behaviours, reactions and beliefs.
Q: What recent situation did you misinterpret thinking it had more to do with you than it actually did?Sometimes you’ll need to focus on saying no. At others you’ll need to focus on saying yes. FYI: when you do say no to something, you create the space and energy to say yes to the stuff that really matters.
Q: What do you need to say no or yes to today?The more you think about what’s truly important to you (your priorities) the more likely you’ll be to make good choices and decisions in every area of your life.
Q: What’s important to you right now? Make a list of your top priorities.Failure is an essential part of living a rich and involved life. Expect to fall flat on your face sometimes, be ready to pick yourself back up and keep walking when you do.
Q: When has failure taught you an important lesson about yourself?Our resources are limited and we can’t do it all. Life is a series of tradeoffs and sometimes you’ll have to be ruthless about what you ignore.
Q: What are you willing to give up in order to be great at what you truly care about?
That’s it! Years of training and working with clients condensed into a few pointers… I’m sure after I send this I’ll realise I’ve left out lots of other important one (part II sometime?)
Anyway, I hope you find these lessons and questions helpful, and if you do please forward onto a friend. Finally, I’m v interested to know – which question feels most important to you right now?
P.S. I keep this newsletter free by supporting it through my other work, particularly the corporate stuff. If your business or team would benefit from some coaching on any of the points above (and/or stress, burnout, mindful leadership, prioritising et al) I’d love to hear from you. Simply hit reply.
Have a great week
Lily x
Love these, truly great summary of all the important points. I love Rachel’s idea of hanging this up in the house… now I am thinking about this too!
Just fucking brilliant thanks Lily. I am going to print these somehow (as i don't have a printer!!) Actually if anyone can send me a colourful hard copy of these I will pay you!!! I want to stick them individually on my fridge/kitchen table/kettle/ doors/ everywhere !!!! so I have constant reference to them. Thank you as usual for your insights and help xxx Love these xxxxx