How To Make Self Care A Consistent Part Of Your Life
Reframing how we think about what it means to care for ourselves (bubble baths very much optional!)
Hi! Before we get started… reminder that next Monday 3rd June my new, monthly workshop series Motivation Mondays launches in collaboration with Mortimer House – Beauty Pie are sponsoring which means a free membership and goodies. Liked my thoughts on The Myth Of Balance or feel out of whack? This workshop is for you.
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Self care has a bad rep.
Inextricably associated with Instagram posts that encourage 5am starts, meditation, expensive facials, collagen filled smoothies, bubble baths and the like, its been co-opted by popular culture to make us believe that’s what it looks like.
Now, of course, all that stuff is great. If you have the time, resources, energy and motivation to make that your routine and you benefit from it, then wonderful. As I often mention here, I rely on my daily meditation practice and also, I love a good facial.
However, in practice, regularly committing to the popular idea of self-care doesn’t work for most. In between demanding jobs and responsibilities at home, we all tend to have external priorities that sometimes (or all the time) have to supersede our own wants, desires and best laid plans. So it becomes yet another thing that we feel we’re failing at. Moreover, while a facial is a lovely treat, it doesn’t tend to move the needle on crippling stress.
Self-care – real self-care – isn’t about the skin deep version above. It’s much more accessible, and it actually does move the needle…
The World Health Organisation defines self care as: “the ability of individuals, families, and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and to cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider.”
Health is complicated, and there’s a lot within that sentence, but if we focus today on the simple (but obviously not simple) idea of promoting and maintaining health then I thought it might be useful to share that what’s helped me reframe self care in my own life…
I’ve let go of the idea that it’s something I need to do or make time for (eg. a facial) and embraced the idea that it’s about how I approach my mind and the world. It’s about prioritising what feels good and right and being kind to myself even when I prioritise all the stuff that doesn’t. It’s about caring, for my self.
At The Priorities Method, one of our principle ideas is “self care without the selfish” – I find in my coaching practice that the people most likely to benefit from self care are the least likely to prioritise it. Generally because they either define it as the above and think “How the fuck is a bubble bath supposed to help me with overwhelm?” or because they believe that prioritising their own health comes at the expense of others around them.
I would suggest both viewpoints are wrong.
A bubble bath won’t melt your worries away as the Radox adverts suggest, but if you love bubble baths and they make you feel good, then making time to do them more often will improve your health in the long run. Because that bubble bath will serve as a signal to your brain that you are prioritising caring for you. And the kind of self care that requires taking care of your inner world doesn’t take any energy or time away from the other people in your life, in fact, it helps you show up as a better version of yourself for those you love.
Self care is subjective – there’s no right or wrong way to practice it. It’ll differ from person to person, and within each person – self-care for you one day might not feel like self-care the next.
Take the pressure off, and by all means book that facial if you want to. But also remind yourself that self care is not about skin-deep practices, it’s about prioritising the things that nourish your inner world as much as possible, as often as possible.
At the moment self care for me looks like…
Saying no when I’m overwhelmed.
Prioritising helpful thoughts when I’m feeling stretched and low.
Moving away from people who don’t feel right in my life.
Practicing piano and playing backgammon.
Reading a book in bed before sleep instead of being on my phone.
Listening to a podcast when I take the tube.
Prioritising self-compassion over self-esteem.
Reminding myself of what brings me joy while I brush my teeth.
Not getting (too) annoyed at myself when I doomscroll on Instagram.
What does self care mean to you?