You may not be ready to let go yet

And that's okay.

I’ve been thinking this week about letting go.

Now, as seasoned readers may recall, this isn’t the first time I’ve written about this topic. It’s one that comes up often in my work, and I firmly believe that letting go allows us to create space for something or someone else that is better for us.

However, today’s newsletter isn’t about that.

Yes, letting go is a good thing and yes, it helps us move forward, but there are also times when we’re simply not ready to do it yet.

And yet there’s the pressure we put on ourselves (or feel from society, friends, or peers) to move on regardless. The shame, the blame. The thoughts of: “I should be over this by now”, “I should have given up this habit”, “I should be okay with the end of that relationship” or “I shouldn’t still be having this thought”.

Letting go isn’t some switch you flip. It’s a living process, which, like the rest of life, can be really fucking messy.

It may be that you still need time, that part of you still needs to cling on.

And when that is the case, the compassionate thing to do is give yourself a break. Allow yourself to be exactly where you are, let yourself play out whatever it is that you’re still holding on to.

Whether it’s old patterns, habits, behaviours, thoughts, people… go ahead and replay the memory again and again, bury yourself deep in the comfort of a familiar pattern (even if you know it doesn’t serve you anymore), sit uncomfortably with the pain of an unresolved something that still stings every time it comes to mind.

Ultimately, we hold onto things for good reasons. Often there’s logic there that only our unconscious understands. We’re protecting ourselves, or perhaps someone else. In some way, shape or form, it serves us.

So, if you’re still holding on to an old behaviour, a past version of yourself, a thought or a person you’re not ready to release, that is normal, natural, and okay.

Don’t force yourself, don’t get angry for not being over something. Shaming yourself for not “moving on” only tends to bury it further within you.

See it for what it is – part of the process of being alive – and give it space to just be.

Encourage yourself to move on, but don’t push too hard.

Trust that at some point, perhaps even (apologies for the cliche) “when the time is right”, you will let go. Trust that its grip will begin to loosen, or that you’ll become so exhausted and disillusioned from clinging on that you’ll start to ask: How is this serving me? Followed by: What else? What next?

Until then, give yourself a break.

Know that it’s enough for now to simply be with what is.

L. x