Quickly… THANK YOU to everyone who’s bought The Priorities Method Journal. It’s been more than a year in the making and I’m blown away by all the kind message and pictures of your journals arriving.
One of the inspirations behind the journal was to create a tool that would help anyone (aka, you) put the stuff from this newsletter – Saying No, Building Better Habits, Letting Go – into practice in real life. I’m pretty excited to see that happen, so please do let me know how you get on – all feedback and thoughts welcome.
Now… mental immunity.
(Full disclosure: this week’s newsletter is an edited version of a feature I wrote for Vogue during the pandemic. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently, so wanted to revisit it here.)
My family and I have been plagued by some kind of covid/cold/flu since September; I’ve been coughing for a month. I hear much of the same from others.
My immune system used to be good, I think 2 toddlers have weakened it (plus probably, honestly, the grief over losing my father doesn’t help.) And in more honesty, I think my mental immune system has also been a bit vulnerable lately too.
Wondering what I mean by ‘mental immunity’?
Well, in the same way that a strong physical immune system can help protect you from illness, and encourage a swift recovery when you do become unwell, a strong mental immune system can support you through life’s inevitable ups and downs – making you both less susceptible to slumps, and more resilient when difficult things happen or things don’t go your way.
Mental immunity is our mind’s ability to cope with whatever life throws at it. It’s about having the capacity to understand, observe and move through painful thoughts or events, without either being completely derailed or ignoring them altogether. Good mental immunity is not only about surviving when things get hard though, it requires you to learn and grow from difficult times, too.
Life is not easy, for anyone. And without healthy emotional resilience, things can start to feel unfathomably tough. Sadness, fear, loneliness, change, uncertainty, grief – without a strong foundation these feelings will threaten to overwhelm you. Life will seem like it’s forever knocking you down. And in the same way that a cold or virus can seriously affect the health of someone who is already unwell, even a small setback or upsetting encounter can do the same to someone who lacks mental immunity.
So, as we turn towards the end of the year, here are some ways to improve our mental immunity; tools to make ourselves strong, flexible and resilient so that we can live life with more compassion, understanding and joy. These are the tools I recommend to all my clients when they’re feeling emotionally spent, and the ones I call on myself when I’m feeling low. I hope they can help you too.
Be honest about what you’re feeling
While it’s tempting to push difficult or painful emotions aside, doing so just creates more space for them to thrive. If you’re feeling anxious, sad, lonely, confused or anything else, you are by no means alone. Acknowledge these feelings to yourself and your loved ones, and give yourself the space to process them so that they don’t weigh you down. If it helps – scream, cry, shout, hit a pillow – do what you need to get your emotions out.
Give yourself a worry window
Worry is natural and understandable, however perpetual worry will grind down your mental health. Pick a time of day and give yourself five, 10 or 20 minutes to do nothing but worry and feel anxious or stressed. When those thoughts come up at other times, say to them, “No, not now. I’ll get to you later.”
Try mindful observation
While we don’t want to ignore our painful thoughts and feelings, nor do we want to be overwhelmed by them. To help process your emotions, try mindfulness. For a few minutes bring your full awareness to your negative thoughts and feelings, taking the approach of a non-judgemental observer. Often, simply being acknowledged without judgement lessens the strength of the emotion.
Don’t identify with what makes you struggle
The more you associate yourself with your mental health difficulties, the harder it becomes to separate from them. So if you are feeling depressed or anxious, remind yourself that that doesn’t make you an anxious or depressed person – it just means that that’s what you’re experiencing right now. Things are always in flux, and you are much more than the sum of your current state of mind.
Exercise
It’s such an obvious one, but exercise (if you’re able to do it) is proven to almost always help improve mood – both in the short and long term. If you’re feeling terrible it’s very hard to do anything at all, so it’s helpful to start a regular movement habit when you’re feeling okay, and then keep reminding yourself of the power of endorphins when you’re not. It doesn’t matter how you move – walk, dance, box, stretch – just pick something that works for you.
Rest and recharge
Mental immunity is bolstered hugely by your nervous system spending time in its resting (or “parasympathetic”) state. Obviously, sleep is good, however telling someone with sleep problems to sleep more is simply cruel. Instead, make time for active rest – the normal stuff: long bath, read a book (phone off), puzzle, or try deep belly breathing or yin yoga both good for getting in the resting state.
Try some inspirational learning
Uplifting books, articles and podcasts can help programme your brain to look for the positive, which feels very important with everything going on right now. I like The Choice by Edith Eger, Solve for Happy by Mo Gowdat and The Daily Stoic.
Limit your social media
Obvious, but essential. Comparison is the thief of joy, and the more you compare yourself to others the thinner your mental immunity becomes. Plus, the world out there is pretty rough atm and social media makes it seem even worse. Step away and do something else, now.
Finally, and most importantly, when life goes awry and you don’t manage to do anything at all on this list – be kind to yourself. Self-compassion is one of the greatest mental immune booster of all.
Have a lovely week and thanks for reading.
Lily x